My Final Quarter

Recently I began to wonder why I was so damn tired, so unmotivated, so bored, so ready to sleep late, so ready to merely watch mindless television, so ready to hibernate and watch the rest of the world go by.

Being a part of creating a successful business like Alive! Fitness Studio was exhilarating but tiring, and I bought into the vision and mission of Alive! (and I still do) but it never provided me with the fulfillment I had wanted. My dream and passion was and still is, coaching women to have rich, fulfilling, successful, and most of all, happy lives where they contribute positively to our world.

When COVID hit, I gave up on my dreams of coaching to put all my energies into saving the fitness business we had. I cut expenses–our bookkeeper, virtual assistant; anything and everything I could do, I did. Once we had ridden out the worst of it, I felt it had become time for me to let go of some of the Alive! duties, hire back help, and restart my coaching practice. I had been successful before, so I was confident it would be fairly easy to do.

For months I had been trying to get my Transform the Way You Age group coaching program to take off. It was like pushing a boulder up a hill– 2 inches up, 2 feet back. I could never get the momentum I had previously been able to get when I helped create Alive! Fitness Studio with my husband. Creating and building Alive! took us sixteen years and lots of 80-hour work weeks with no vacations, very little fun built in, and finally, I was left with a burned-out feeling I couldn’t shake.

So, why was it so hard to do that? Why did I sink deeper and deeper into exhaustion?

I discovered I was no longer interested in building a big all-consuming business, to which I had to devote almost my entire life. And the biggest discovery was that I had been running away from my mortality. Yes, I said “mortality” as in death. All my efforts had been to age naturally and powerfully, to put a lot of effort into living longer, healthier, and better. Now that’s an admirable goal–it truly is. I was just using it to avoid seeing I was entering the last quarter of my current life and acknowledging that my motivations and interests had changed.

I am now an 81-year-old Elderwoman, a crone, a sage, a wise woman, and someone who values balancing “being” with “doing.” I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge my desire to slow down, to see what is present in this moment, to take time to contemplate and reflect, for sitting quietly and listening to the birds outside my kitchen window. I was afraid my younger, entrepreneurial friends would reject me and see me as merely an old lady who had given up on her dreams. But I had to speak it; I had to start living it.

When I shared my revelation with my female friends, I was given love and caring, and an even deeper connection began. I was supported, accepted, and, most of all, included. My fear of rejection was just that, my fear. I began to see what new path there was for me and where my accumulated wisdom from a lifetime of transitions could best be used. I felt renewed energy and a new focus for my coaching. And I began to write again, and it was like coming home and being welcomed back to a place I love so much. That’s one reason I write these Love-Letters to you; I feel so fulfilled when I do so.

Now I can see the road ahead and who I will serve. It is with women concerned about aging and becoming invisible; empty nesters looking for new meaning in their lives; women who are retiring, whether by choice or job loss, who want to design a new life, and women like myself who are entering Elderwomanhood and want to chart a new path that’s appropriate for them as they age.

What are you experiencing as you age?

What are your fears?

What positive changes are you making?

So, please leave your comments at the end of this post.

I’d love to know because I want to make sure what I provide here is useful for you, even if you are a Crone-In-Waiting!